I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
