You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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