Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
