Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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