even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just want nice things and good sex
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
