So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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