I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you never un-have a 4some
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
