it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Be still, my beating vagina.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
