SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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