you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize