youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
