i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
