No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
