Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize