so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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