who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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