I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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