strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
