I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
