All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
