Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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