This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You can't just leave with hair like that
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
