i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
