I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
