you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
