Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
