K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
