I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
