Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
