So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
