Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
