Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
