I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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