none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
