I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
