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Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
