i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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