he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
