my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize