Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I will pee on everything he values.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
