I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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