remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
