Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i already hear my dad disowning me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
