why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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