Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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