Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize