Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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