We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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