end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
