just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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