It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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