ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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