having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
