I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
