would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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