You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
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