Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Randomize