the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
