I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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