where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
