Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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