only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize