Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
there is glitter all over my balls
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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