At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
MIDGETS
????
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
