Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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