Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
