don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize