woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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