I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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