i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
