do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
