you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize