it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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