That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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